I Have a Confession to Make
I hate Dodger Dogs. Hate them.
Now before you scream "blasphemy" and scribble "Kill that bastard A.K." on signs for a protest march outside the Ravine, hear me out. I don't like hot dogs of any kind. Point blank. Period. I got sick off one when I was about 2 or 3 and they haven't worked for me since. The hot dog's extended family is basically acceptable chow. I'll eat just about any kind of sausage. Bratwurst, knockwurst, Polish, etc. I'll go exotic (I once bought alligator sausage at the Fairfax farmer's market — tasted like chicken) or slum it (the occasional Jimmy Dean link). But hot dogs are another story. I don't know if it's a difference in the meat (if the substances comprising a hot dog can even be classified as such), texture (sausages have a little more substance) or just a pure mental block caused by a bad childhood experience. But whatever the reason, you can't get me to eat them.
The reason I mention this is because I'll be spending a lot of 2006 in Dodger Stadium's Press Box. And around the sixth or seventh inning, they give out free Dodger Dogs to the media. Granted, I'm not particularly tempted by those red suckers piled up in a pan, but it's also a long season and I'll possibly to be curious (or just plain bored) enough at some point to give one a shot. But if I do, I'll need a little help when it comes to making them somewhat palatable (at least to my hot dog shunning taste buds). This could require some local knowledge.
So I'm asking y'all, what's the best recipe for the perfect Dodger dog? What do you guys consider textbook when it comes to loading one up? Do you fashion a standard relish-mustard-onions classic? Is there a certain kind of mustard I should use? Are there a few outside the box toppings that average amateur shmoe isn't privy to that make a grade-A dog an A+++? Jalapenos? Grilled onions the average fan doesn't know you can request? Dipping it in beer first? If shoving cotton candy between the bun and the frank is the missing link, by all means share. I've got a lot of time to kill until October and I'm willing to give it another go at some point. I doubt I'll like it, but if I'm gonna go down puking, it might as well be from the recipe of someone in the know.
One final note: Whatever ingredients you throw my way, don't bother including ketchup. I absolutely despise the stuff. I hate the taste of it. I hate the smell of it. I hate the sight of it. Truth be told, I'm actually creeped out by the condiment, if not flat-out scared of it. An odd fear, but what can I say? We've all got our quirks. That's one of mine and it's not gonna change. I may be willing to gut out grubbing another dog, but the "no ketchup" rule is non-negotiable.
—AK
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How about you give those Dodger Dogs away when they give them to you in the 6th/7th inning. I'll be more than happy to stop by for one. :) Atleast I wouldn't have to wait in line for 3 innings to buy one.
I like mine with everything. I would defenitly like to try one with habaneros instead of jalapenos. I wonder how that would taste. :)
Posted by: Jose Ramirez | May 26, 2006 at 01:50 PM
Catsup and mustard here, but onions (despite loving them) only if I don't want a smooch from my wife later. :)
Posted by: Robert Daeley | May 26, 2006 at 02:53 PM
What is most important AK is that if you have a choice between a Dodger Dog and an 'All Beef' Dog (seeing these two juxtaposed on the menu always makes me wonder just what the heck is in the Dodger Dog!), take the 'All Beef' Dog (they taste markedly better). Now the way I do it up is with a good deal of mustard (the French's yellow type, not the spicy brown variety...yuk!) and lots of onions. Key for me though is that I always have a pretzel (with salt) in accompaniment. Now you don't have to eat the dog and the pretzel at the same time (in other words, a bite of dog followed immediately by a bite of pretzel), but it's kinda nice that way! You're going to want to have some kind of beverage nearby (coke works best) for between the pretzel and the hot dog bun you got quite a bit of bread in the mix. I have recently been throwing in a little relish but the whole sweet and savory thing is really not my bag. You'll be relieved to know that ketchup is a big no no.
One last thing AK; if during or after your great hot dog experiment you do feel the urge to puke, and you are in the press box, and TJ Simers just happens to be in the press box too...
Posted by: SantaMonica4Ever | May 26, 2006 at 03:05 PM
"Whatever ingredients you throw my way, don't bother including ketchup. I absolutely despise the stuff."
Ditto, except I hate mustard as well, I like my Dodger dog simple the bun & mayo, that's it. Give me a brew & I'm in Dodger heaven.
Posted by: bluebleeder | May 26, 2006 at 03:14 PM
Ak you wuss, jk...
Instead of a regular dodger dog, try grilled dodger dog. I usually put deli mustard (dijon) instead of regular mustard. I don't like pickles but I put them in when I'm really hungry. Onion's a must and chow down with beer. If that still makes feel woozy, try Louisiana dog... closer to sausage than dodger dog weiner.
By the way, now that I know your weaknesses, if you pick Wade over Kobe again next year, I will chase you down with a hot dog in one hand and a bottle of Heinz in the other.
Posted by: Ben C. | May 26, 2006 at 03:17 PM
A little ketchup and a lot of onions...
Posted by: Jorge | May 26, 2006 at 03:51 PM
My sin is worse. I like hot dogs, and think Dodger Dogs are junk. Grilled, no doubt better than boiled (as a matter of policy, one should avoid boiled meats). Old Busch used to have these jumbo grilled deals that were incredible. Just a little crisp on the outside, super juicy on the inside.
On it? Just about anything works for me. Grilled onion if available, but regular works. Spicy mustard, ketchup, and for some reason dogs are one of the few things I like mayo with. A little relish never hurts, either.
If the foundation- the dog- is good, I can work with nearly any topping combination.
BK
Posted by: Brian Kamenetzky | May 26, 2006 at 04:21 PM
Ben-
By the way, I chose Wade, and I'm not afraid of ketchup, so you'll have to chase me with something else.
BK
Posted by: Brian Kamenetzky | May 26, 2006 at 04:22 PM
Just got back from RFK. I’ll post something on the loss tomorrow. In the meantime.,.
AK,
You’re wild, man!!! I was laughing hard as I was reading your “dog” post. I needed it considering I just witnessed the boys in blue get spanked.
If you have such a reaction to hot dogs then don’t even bother trying. You’re just going to make yourself sick. No combination of condiments will hide the fact that your stomach will regurgitate the “meat” once it hits your stomach. I have a similar thing with Kahlua. One day (when I was much younger and dumber) I was cruising along drinking tequila like there was no tomorrow; I had downed a liter-and-a-half of the stuff (not one of my finer moments in life). I was very buzzed but felt fine, that is until someone handed me a drink that had Kahlua in it. The moment that junk hit my stomach I went into a 12-hour nonstop vomiting binge. I couldn’t even retain water in my stomach and I was laid out for 2 days. Since that day I have become allergic to Kahlua. I can’t even smell the stuff without dry-heaving. It doesn’t matter what else is in the drink; milk, coffee, etc. As long as it has Kahlua I’m incapable of drinking it, smelling it, or even looking at the darn bottle.
My point: let bygones be bygones. Save the dogs for the hungry Dodger fans. I’m sure someone will appreciate you handing one over so that they don’t have to wait in line for 3 innings to buy one.
Posted by: LoLo | May 26, 2006 at 07:48 PM
Where is Raul Mondesi when you need him? Where is Mike Pizza? Karros? Deshields? Chad Fonville? Jose Offermen? Todd Zeile? Chan Ho? I dont know half the players on the team!!! Who the freak are they!!!!??!?!?
Posted by: petey | May 26, 2006 at 11:49 PM
I agree with you 100% on the dodger dogs....no way I'd ever eat one
Posted by: phil | May 27, 2006 at 06:58 AM
I’ll rack Friday’s game up to “you can’t win them all” or “we were due for a loss”. After all, even the best of teams lose one-third of their games. Two wins and we take another series.
Even though in the back of my heart I felt we were due for a loss, I don’t like the feeling I had in my gut. It has nothing to do with the fact that I only get to see 15-20 live Dodger games a year now that I live in DC (with only a small handful being at Dodger Stadium), so I hate watching them lose in person. I didn’t like the feeling in my gut because it almost seemed like Little gave the game away. He didn’t start Ethier and Martin. I know they need rest even though they are young but they just had a day off. I know we need to play Alomar, but we were on a winning streak. Every game counts, especially considering how tight the race is going to be. I say you milk the heck out of it. Then double-switching Aybar with Saenz? Even the Nats fans around me were questioning that move (yes, our rookies are so good that even the Nats fans know who they are).
What really ticked me off was the Lance Carter move. We had just come off an inning where we had put 3 up on the board, finally breaking through against Livan. The momentum had swung our way. You could feel the Nats fans thinking “darn, here they come”. So what does Grady do? He brings in Carter to kill the momentum. The Nat fan in front of me asked me who this Carter kid was and why he had such a high ERA (really asking me why they would bring him in). I said “don’t worry, you’ll be thanking me for his insertion here in a minute”. Sure enough we all blinked and Carter had given up 2. Momentum was officially dead. Then tack in the appearances of Odalis and Hamulack, and Grady might as well been running around with a white flag. Trust me, the Dodger contingency in the house (and there were quite a few of us) was not happy with the pitching moves.
Eischen starts to struggle and Robinson takes him out immediately, sensing imminent danger. Carter starts getting wacked and Little leaves him in there. Only after the flood gates had opened does Little replace him with Hamulack, the gatekeeper who to tends to doze off and not notice that the levee has broken. Nice!!
Odalis is one lonely man!!! I noticed that every single Dodger came out with a partner(s) during warm-ups. Everyone was joking around, playing catch, and running sprints. Enter Odalis; homeboy made the long walk from the dugout to the bullpen by himself, head down in a death march pace that had him looking like the abused stepchild. His one moment of peace; a lone Dodger fan in the stands yelled at him and Odalis waved back as if he was surprised to find that he had any fans left. In watching him make that walk I really felt like saying “walking the mile, walking the mile.”
OK, now that we got a loss out of the way, Grady, how about managing like you want to win the game? Carter and Hamulack will not be available tonight. I made a few calls and they will accidentally miss the team bus, forcing them to take a taxi driven by a foreigner who will take them on a 6-hour tour of the DC monuments. My gift to you, fellow bloggers. GAME ON!!!
Posted by: LoLo | May 27, 2006 at 07:49 AM
Let me expand the discussion: the food at Dodger Stadium stinks!
Have you ever been to Fenway? Outside the stadium there are local vendors selling all sorts of food and memorabilia. The sausages with grilled onions and peppers are incredible. It's a party atmosphere outside the stadium, a true experience.
Even at the old ballpark in San Diego, you could get some pretty good BBQ cooked by local smoke-meisters inside the stadium.
Contrast that with Dodger Stadium, with its antiseptic exterior and lousy corporate food.
You hear that Frank McCourt? You want to give fans a reason to come to Dodger Stadium? Make the food experience an EXPERIENCE!
Posted by: Laker Seth | May 27, 2006 at 10:47 AM
How can you be a Dodgers fan and not like the dogs? Next thing you'll be telling us you hate Tommy's burgers.
Posted by: rdlee | May 27, 2006 at 08:38 PM
I always know you were an idiot, why I'm friends with you is beyond me. Clearly, we no longer can continue to be, I want my kitchen island back.
PS The new ballpark in the lou sucks, has no character and the cards have added to the keith hernandez curse by kicking Ozzie Smith to the curb, that's not me talking. it's Leon
PPS The white rat did not save Keiths career, Keith did that
PPS you got swept by the Red Sox, swept, couldn't even win one game
Posted by: Matt | May 29, 2006 at 05:56 AM