Call Off Sam Waterston!
Or any other cast member from Law & Order because Ned Colletti has opted not to pursue tampering charges against the Sawx. Maybe it just wasn't worth the effort, give how slim the chances of winning these cases are. Or maybe Colletti just didn't want to spend any extra seconds in a room with Satan... er, Scott Boras. Hey, get in line, Ned. But I can still picture the court room scene, if witnesses are actually sworn in for these types of cases.
Baliff
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Scott Boras
I do.
Ned Colletti
(Exaggerated coughing)
Bullshhhhhhhh!!!!
The judge stares at Colletti.
Ned Colletti
I'm sorry, your honor. Just a little virus I'm dealing
with these days.
It would also be pretty fun watching the part where Boras talks a little Eric Gagne, who apparently wasn't as big on the whole "working for scale to remain a Dodger" thing as he originally claimed (for about ten minutes).
Sam Waterston
Isn't it true, Mr. Boras, that you convinced Mr. Gagne
to back on his original statement that he'd take less
money to stay in L.A.?
Scott Boras
I never convinced him of anything.
Sam Waterston
So in other words, Mr. Gagne never had any intention
of taking a pay cut in the first place, making it easy for
him to sign with the Texas Rangers, reuniting him with
another now ex-Dodger, Kenny Lofton.
Scott Boras
No, I'm not saying Gagne lied--
Sam Waterston
Well, then one of you is lying, because Mr. Gagne and
yourself weren't willing to accept the Dodgers' lower salary,
incentive-heavy offer. Why is that, Mr. Boras?
Scott Boras
Well... I.. um...
(Points at the window)
Your honor, look! Dead bird!
Boras leaps out of his seat, starts sprinting for the door then stops, as he realized the Judge is staring at him, unamused.
Scott Boras
What if I just bought everyone lunch and we called it even?
I'm about to came into some extra "walking around" money.
http://blog.rickbreslin.com/extras/doink_doink.wav
AK

This news has me crushed. At least Eric won't be going to the Giants, though. And as an interesting side note, I managed to find a childhood picture of Scott Boras on the net:
http://blog.sweetestmemories.com/pix/damian.jpg
Posted by: DodgerBlueBalls | December 12, 2006 at 11:13 AM
If Texas offered 6 mil guaranteed with incentives to 11 mil, and we offered 5 mil and incentives to 10; I have to wonder why he would leave after his little rant about always being a Dodger and taking a discount to stay after 2 years of nothing for 19 mil.
Answer: sorry ass did not want to compete for the closers job. He wanted it handed to him.
I guess his vanity and ego got the best of him.
Posted by: Jim | December 12, 2006 at 12:01 PM
I see dead people.
Posted by: LoLo | December 12, 2006 at 12:07 PM
funny two players say they like being on the Dodgers and want to stay. Then the anti-christ whispers in their ear that "...I already have deals ready elsewhere so screw the Dodgers and who cares you will then be labeled a liar. It's not like you signed anything or got caught with asian teen porn on your windows desktop...just follow me and take the money. Even if it is pretty much the same amount. I am teaching the Dodgers a lesson they soon won't forget...HAHAHAHA..."
And to make it seem kosher now he is "battling" with the BoSox over a contract. When the real reason is simply to take some of the heat off and make it look like he and Theo do not share breakfast in bed when these deals come along.
And the Japnese guy is going to look like a major POS to the fans in Japan because of the money he cost the team. All because of the anit-christ...this guy is baaaad for baseball.
What is gonna happen when the cheap seats are $50/ea and beers are $20 a piece.
Posted by: grumpy3b | December 12, 2006 at 12:07 PM
It’s very obvious to me what is going on here. The bottom line is that Gagne is NOT confident that he is O.K. Period. If he was o.k. he would have taken the Dodgers’ offer and went into spring training with the mentality that he would pitch lights out. After all, that what “re-proving” yourself would be all about. And he should know that if he even slightly resembled the pitcher he once was that he would be given the closer’s job. After all, Sammy has no problem being his set-up guy.
But Gagne is NOT O.K., and his actions speak volumes. Worrying about a couple million dollars can only mean that the guy thinks he’s more likely to fizzle than make it. You can buy all that mumbo-jumbo about him wanting a guaranteed role as the closer, but the truth is that he is obviously trying to pinch every last dollar he can in what may turn out to be his last season.
Posted by: LoLo | December 12, 2006 at 12:14 PM
AK:
Just where is LENNY DRISCOLE when we need him to get the goods of this Boras character.
BTW, NIIIIICE L&O connection... ;)
Posted by: grumpy3b | December 12, 2006 at 12:19 PM
I see greedy people.
Posted by: Jim | December 12, 2006 at 12:28 PM
I Have Zero Respect For GagMe Now. I Officially Hate All Scott Satan BorAss Players. I Dont Care Who It Is. What An Ass.
Posted by: THE WOLF | December 12, 2006 at 12:31 PM
Eric Gagne has now been excommunicated from the Church of the Great Dodger in the Sky. He has chosen to abandon his flock so that he can burn in the unrelenting, summer humid heat of a hell that is otherwise known as the The Ballpark at Arlington.
Nothing would be sweeter than to have Eric find out next October that he sold his soul, Dodger Sainthood, and a World Series champioship for $2M.
Len
Posted by: Len Penzo | December 12, 2006 at 12:34 PM
All emotion and Boras bashing aside, this was probably the best move for Gagne. If he really is healthy, he has the best chance of shining with Texas. Bad team guaranteeing a closer's spot; it doesn't get much better than that for a guy looking to get paid next year. It's almost guaranteed that a decent reliever on a bad team will rack up at least 35 saves (remember those terrible Dodgers teams of the late '90s where Jeff Shaw came out looking like a team MVP?). If Gagne can be just decent and healthy next season, he'll be set up to get super-inflated B.J. Ryan money in '08.
Posted by: Makoto Ueno | December 12, 2006 at 12:59 PM
This just in...David "Shamu" Wells' agent says the Giants are at the top of his list to sign. Wells is 44. Fits right in, if Wells can actually fit anywhere.
Yeah, I'm so sorry we didn't give up Kemp for him.
Posted by: Dodgerdog | December 12, 2006 at 01:00 PM
As a fellow Canadian and long time Dodger fan I was dissapointed to see Gagne leave. I do agrre with LoLo though, I also believe Gagne is still hurt. He obviously wanted something guaranteed so when he blows his arm out in spring training he can sit on the cash. It shows muscles do tend to die off and not heal after you've juiced it.
As for Boras everything about him pisses me off. He's a major reason this game now revolves around money. I do thank him for talking Drew in to leaving though, that guys a piece of S$@#&. One rumor that I just heard was Boras has a client that wants to sign with the Dodgers for $12 million a year, it's Jeff Hamilton. Boras thinks it's a steal of a deal.
Posted by: Pistol Pete | December 12, 2006 at 01:04 PM
AK,
You’re little screenplay up there should have come with the disclaimer “I was dreaming when I wrote this, forgive me if it runs astray.” Not because it’s 1999, but because you were in fact dreaming when you wrote that. Nice try, buddy. HAHA!!
Posted by: LoLo | December 12, 2006 at 01:07 PM
Lolo,
You gotta at least give me credit for ending with the sound effect. haha
AK
Posted by: Andrew Kamenetzky | December 12, 2006 at 01:50 PM
Dodgerdog,
There's nothing a little Crisco around the waistline can't fix.
Posted by: Makoto Ueno | December 12, 2006 at 01:52 PM
One of the biggest risks that the Rangers are taking with Gagne is that he is yet to throw off a mound.
The anti-Christ can spread all the stories he wants about how Eric is healthy and ready, but didn't we hear that last year during spring training?
I saw him in person, once, in 2006. I knew he wasn't healthy.
Posted by: Dodgerdog | December 12, 2006 at 02:06 PM
Eric Gagne has just stabbed every Dodger fan in the back. Gagne has just pulled off one the greatest heist's of all time: 19 million in the past 2 years for just 15.1 innings worth of work. How could you go from saying that you would take a "Hometown Discount" to stay a Dodger and then leave LA for Texas for just 1 million more? LA made Gagne larger than life... But Gagne just pissed that all away.
Signed,
Hoping his arm explodes again...
Posted by: Leon_Funk | December 12, 2006 at 02:11 PM
AK,
I'll give you partial credit for the sound effect. But it's not like you invented the riff to "Iron Man", or something.
Now, if you can karaoke "Purple Rain", I will fully give you your due props as "Da Man". HAHA!
Posted by: LoLo | December 12, 2006 at 02:22 PM
Bottom line? Gagme might have done us a favor if he really is not sure he can come back healthy. He saves us a "paltry" 4 million we can spend on someone who wants to be a Dodger and can help get us to the World Series. If he was 100%, BorAss would have demanded 10 million or more!
Butt what a scumbag. I'm torn between being glad he is in the AL and I don't have to see him, and not being in the NL where I can watch him fall on his big fat face.
I hope his arm drops off.
Posted by: Andy B | December 12, 2006 at 02:34 PM
It's not a matter of if Gagne breaks down, it's when is he going to break down.
Lots of luck a**hole.
Posted by: Jim | December 12, 2006 at 02:47 PM
Hey, what do you expect from a CANADIAN??
Take a HIKE Eric Gagne!!!! You STINK!!!!
Posted by: JIM | December 12, 2006 at 03:48 PM
Over under on saves next year? 20? 10? 5?
Posted by: bmurph | December 12, 2006 at 04:16 PM
LoLo & AK:
Why is it I feel the need to put on Alan Parsons Turn of a Friendly" or even "Eve" card among others whenever I read the blog...it just gets me in that sorta mood.
BTW, notice who got top billing in this post...just helping the cause and the negotiations for your contract extension LoLo... ;)
Posted by: grumpy3b | December 12, 2006 at 04:41 PM
and as far as Gagne I say "Eh"
LoLo might be on to something with the injury issue and in all honesty he might not have signed with the Dodgers because he does feel guilty taking even more money for nothing. And perhaps the "I'll give a hometown discount" thing was more a smoke screen to get other teams to bid more. That would be a smart negotiations tactic. That is if you have zero scruples as the anti-christ does.
So, Gagne might either be yet another "...they traded the wrong Martinez..." transaction or he might just be "Game Over" for good...either way he did entertain us for a number of years before he returned to being a "piece of crap"...so have a nice time in Texazz Gagne...you are dead to us here...
Posted by: grumpy3b | December 12, 2006 at 04:46 PM
Dodgers cut loose Werth and Hall. Hope they don't regret it.
Posted by: Fish Guy | December 12, 2006 at 09:03 PM
The Dodgers couldn't come to an agreement with Jason Werth.
What, did Jason see all the millions flying around and decide he was worth a few himself?
We'll see what he ends up with...
Or maybe he resigns with his tail between his legs.
Posted by: Andy B | December 12, 2006 at 10:06 PM
For those of you interested, Colletti chatted with fans online yesterday.
http://losangeles.dodgers.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/article.jsp?ymd=20061212&content_id=1760191&vkey=news_la&fext=.jsp&c_id=la
Interesting take on the Pierre signing. Collettis said that he signed him because "At the time we signed Juan Pierre, Andre Ethier was our only returning starting outfielder who was signed for 2007. We felt we needed another outfielder who could play every day...Matt Kemp has one month of big league experience and is still developing."
Sounds like the exact thing I said at the time of the signing. Check out the big brains on Ned...you a smart mutha f**ka.
Posted by: LoLo | December 13, 2006 at 05:40 AM
Grumpy,
I think Gagne's "I'll give a hometown discount" comment is exactly what Jim said; a check he worte that he couldn't cash.
Posted by: LoLo | December 13, 2006 at 05:51 AM
Grumpy,
The game never ends
When your whole world depends
On the turn of a friendly card
Posted by: LoLo | December 13, 2006 at 05:55 AM
Interesting take by Boras saying that Matsuzaka is a $100 million pitcher. I’m not a math major, but if you throw in the $51 million that Boston threw down just to talk to the guy (and I say the word “talk” loosely since up until yesterday Theo was in Boston and Matsu and Boras were in LA) you’re looking at a $151 million pitcher. All this for a guy who has yet to throw a pitch in the major leagues. Yike.
Boras is talking to the Rangers about Zito. Looks like Boras has found two money pits in Boston and Texas. Of course, the Rangers were the inventors of the “$250 million contract”, so like a shark smelling blood, Boras knows exactly where the money is.
Posted by: LoLo | December 13, 2006 at 06:06 AM
One more note on the Gagne thing...
According to Tim Brown, "The Texas Rangers…were satisfied with Akinori Otsuka (32 saves in 36 opportunities) in the closer role, however, and the immediate plan is to have Gagne pitch primarily in the eighth inning."
Doo what?!?! I thought Gagne wanted to go somewhere he was guaranteed a closer-role? So much for that.
As I stated earlier, don't believe the "closer role" garbage. Gagne is just trying to pinch ever dollar he can before his arm falls off.
Posted by: LoLo | December 13, 2006 at 06:15 AM
Gagne will be missed.
Posted by: Jim | December 13, 2006 at 08:45 AM
Another interesting aspect of the Gagne story is the whisper of steroids. Eric's sudden, injury-filled last 2 years, coinciding with the increased diligence about performance enhancers.
Plaschke's article in today's Times brings it up again and this is not anything new.
Note to Toby Hall. Apparently, the Dodgers couldn't find any takers for him. No major league team needed a decent, backup (sorry, Toby, you're just not that good)? Maybe Toby's delusions of his abilities and accompanying salary had something to do with it.
Toby, clear out that suite at the Ritz Carlton. They're leavin' the light on for you at Motel 6.
Posted by: Dodgerdog | December 13, 2006 at 08:57 AM
LoLo,
I think part of the problem with the Matsuzaka deal is that there is a disconnect. The redsox see it your way (they invested 51 mil already so a 100 mil contract makes him a 151 mil player) but Boras/Matsuzaka don't see a dime of that money, so they are starting at square one. I also think that we generally underpay for Japanese talent, because of a fear that they won't translate to the game. Ichiro was only a 4 mil a year player! This guy was amazing. Then Matsui comes over and plays really well and only gets 7 mil. Are you telling me that he is half as good as JD drew (I know, bad measuring stick)? I think Boras has a point that we should start paying Japanese players the correct amount...now whether he is a 100 mil pitcher i don't know, But I know that he is worth more than the intial offer (I think it was between 4 and 8 mil).
Posted by: bmurph | December 13, 2006 at 09:14 AM
J.P. & the Blue Jays are making a big push to keep Vernon Wells north of the border for the next seven years. They Blue Jays are offering $126 million (dollars, not loonies), a Maple Syrup Farm in Mississaga, and a lifetime supply of Quebec Gravy Fries.
http://www.tsn.ca/mlb/news_story/?ID=188250&hubname=
http://users.waymark.net/davidtx/poutine.jpg
Posted by: DodgerBlueBalls | December 13, 2006 at 09:50 AM
dodgerdog,
Toby played for for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays and we all know that only the Dodgers employ ex-Devil Rays in the MLB.
Posted by: Rob | December 13, 2006 at 10:00 AM
Maybe Matsusaka won't be signed by the deadline, but I just can't help but feel like this whole thing between BoRas and the BoSox is a sham for public consumption. I think a good proof for this will be if "miraculously" at the last hour a deal is worked out. I think the whole J.D. Drew thing shed too much light on the power being wielded by Boras and possible tampering by Epstein. By going through this whole charade of a seeming "impasse" in negotiations it deflects the argument that not all is "kosher" in Beantown.
Posted by: dodgerskip | December 13, 2006 at 10:11 AM
bmurph,
I couldn't disagree more. Until the player steps onto a major league diamond it's anyone's guess as to whether or not the guy's success will translate to the major leagues. Sure, in some cases it's an "educated" guess, but there's still a risk. Japan is NOT the major leagues. JD Drew might not be a great player, but you know what you're going to get (giving him a contract he doesn’t deserve is different from assessing a risk). For every Ichiro there a guy who doesn't make it. It’s easy to say “pay the guy”, but the fact is that if The Sox end up giving him 6/$66 million, that will turn out to be a $117 million investment. That is A LOT of money and time to invest on a player when you are not 100% sure the guy is going to pan out. Matsuzaka is anything but a sure thing.
Posted by: LoLo | December 13, 2006 at 10:17 AM
If VWells turns down the Jays offer he will go on the trading block immediately.
Go for him Ned, he is a true franchise guy in all respects.
Brad, pack your bags, eh!!
Posted by: Jim | December 13, 2006 at 10:55 AM
Dodgerdog,
I think it's pretty obvious Gagne was on something to get that big. I've had two buddy's who played in the Dodger organization who said he did. I think this has had a big part in the injuries. I believe one of the biggest reasons though, is Gagne's stubborness. A few times he said he was ready and obviously wasn't. I hated being hurt when I played ball but use your head and come back 100%. Let's go get Alejandro Pena out of retiremant and throw him in the pen!!!!
Posted by: Pistol Pete | December 13, 2006 at 11:30 AM
Naturally all the talk has been of Gagne's signing with the Rangers but did anyone notice that Kenny Lofton also signed with the Rangers. Do you think we will miss Lofton. I guess he was over-the-hill anyway right, and if I remember correctly he played pretty shabbily (along with Princess Drew) in the NLDS against the Metropolitans. Bye Kenny, Bye Lofton, nice knowing you!
Posted by: Eric | December 13, 2006 at 12:16 PM
I was just looking at the 2007 schedule. During interleague play next year the Bums play some of the AL east teams. But they don't play Boston so we won't get to see The Princess play in LA again next year. What a shame...I miss her already.
The Dodgers play Toronto and Tampa Bay next year...better than playing the Yanks and BoSox I guess.
Posted by: Eric | December 13, 2006 at 12:21 PM
What a shock!! Apparently Matsusaka is about to sign. Whew......that was a close one.
Posted by: dodgerskip | December 13, 2006 at 12:35 PM
Dodgers, beware! I have read that the Giants are in hot negotiations with.......
Russ Ortiz, he of the 8+ ERA and....
Ryan Klesko (young at only 35)--his last good year was 2002, but he did get in 6 games last year.
With personnel moves like those, it is great to be a Dodger fan.
Posted by: Dodgerdog | December 13, 2006 at 12:40 PM
LoLo,
2 words....Hideki Irabu. Or in Steinbrenner's 2 words...Fat Toad.
Pistol Pete,
Hasn't Alejandro Pena signed with the Giants as one of their younger players?
Posted by: Dodgerdog | December 13, 2006 at 01:48 PM
Wow, Deal done. Six years 52 million. What a deal! That's only 8.5 mil a year! Matsusaka goes to Boston.
Posted by: bmurph | December 13, 2006 at 03:24 PM
Well, you knew the deal between Boston and Matsuzaka had to get done. There was so much at stake, that not even Scott Boras had the balls to stand in the way. Who knows how much of the 'controversy' was posturing (quite a bit, I get), but I have to give props to Theo Epstein for standing his ground. The Red Sox may have set a bad precedent by severely overbidding for the posting fee, but they partially corrected themselves by giving the guy no more than $10 million a year, which is pretty fair I suppose. After all, Matsuzaka is still a rookie, and his performance in the WBC isn't much different from a AAA standout performing well in September for a good team.
Six years, though, is the gamble. In 2012, Matsuzaka could be the biggest bargain in baseball, or a 10 million dollar weight the BoSox have to lug around. By then, though, $10 million dollars might not even buy an inning of Jose Mesa.
Posted by: Makoto Ueno | December 13, 2006 at 03:37 PM
I think GiantsFan got Zito and Sexton confused with Ortiz(there is a Z) and Klesko. The geriatrics should just start printing the NLDS tickets.
Posted by: Jim | December 13, 2006 at 06:02 PM
Toronto is making a good move to lock up Wells for 6 or 7 years at about 18 per. I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Posted by: Jim | December 13, 2006 at 09:35 PM
Looks like our outfield is set. Vernon Wells is probably going to stay North of the border. Cmon Kemp!
Posted by: Wasabi | December 13, 2006 at 09:56 PM
Wasabi,
What's wrong with you, dude? You should live in a fantasy world like Giants Fan. Just because Toronto offered Vernon Wells a big contract extension doesn't mean he isn't secretly already a Dodger.
After all, haven't Zito and Sexton already agreed to be Giants? Of course, Sexton would have to involve a trade and the Giants have SO MANY players to offer.
Posted by: Dodgerdog | December 14, 2006 at 08:18 AM
I hope D. Wells signs with the Geriatrics.
Then we get his fat a** and Barroids fat head all in one package.
It is a good thing ballparks have to be handicapped accessible, for when the Giants come to town.
Posted by: Jim | December 14, 2006 at 08:40 AM
This just in....
Ritz Carlton resident, Toby Hall, was just offered a minor league contract by the KC Royals!
Hall's response, while waiting for an offer from the Yankees, was, "I guess that's because they're a minor league operation." Classy.
Odalis and Toby. What a battery!
Posted by: Dodgerdog | December 14, 2006 at 08:58 AM
Just read that the Dodgers are offering to trade Penny to the Cards.
Posted by: Jim | December 14, 2006 at 09:00 AM
This sucks,
Dodger stadium significantly increased their prices. Some seats did stay the same but most went up, a lot..check it out; I guess this is what we have to pay for these crazy multi-million $ contracts...ARGH!
SEE YOU AT THE LEFT FIELD PAVILION...
http://www.latimes.com/sports/baseball/mlb/dodgers/la-sp-bbnotes14dec14,1,3477160.story?coll=la-headlines-sports
Posted by: Hugo | December 14, 2006 at 09:36 AM
Did you see where the D-Rays offered Toby Hall a minor league contract.
Talk about a slap in the face. WOW!
Posted by: Jim | December 14, 2006 at 10:09 AM
From FoxSports
After a season that featured a playoff appearance and record ticket sales, the Dodgers have significantly raised the price of most of their season tickets. Although the Dodgers froze prices in five of 21 categories, they hiked the cost of other seats from $1 to $15 per ticket, translating to increases of 14% to 40%. Prices for season packages range from $4 to $150 per game, excluding dugout club seats.
You guys called it!
Posted by: Jim | December 14, 2006 at 10:13 AM