No, Andy. You're the best.

Russell Martin:  Switched last season's "Touch the Sky" by Kanye West to Sammy Hagar's "I can't drive 55."  Both a clever reference to his jersey number and an impressive transition from new school hip hop to 80's pop-metal.  Well played, young Russ.  Well played.
Nomar Garciaparra: How can a crowd not get giddy when "Low Rider" plays?
Juan Pierre: "Deja Vu," by Beyonce featuring Jay-Z.  The song actually references Pierre.  How cool is that?
Olmedo Saenz: Van Halen's "Panama."  'Nuff said.

But at last night's game, my ears perked up like a jackrabbit when rookie Andy LaRoche strolled to the plate.  He drew a walk, and even though that's as good as a hit, the successful appearance wasn't the reason LaRoche instantly became my idol.  It was the tune blaring as he took his warm up cuts. 

"You're the Best," by Joe Esposito.

Good... lord... that... rocks!

If I need to clarify what song I'm referring to, seriously, I'm soooooo ashamed of you.  How the hell can you see that those three words and not instantly envision the greatest karate tournament in martial arts history (save perhaps the one Bruce Lee infiltrated in "Enter The Dragon")?  I mean, this contest fielded fighters from the entire San Fernando valley.  All of it.  Even the Noho Arts District.  And we all know what ruffians that area traditionally produces.  And c'mon, if ever a song represented hard fought victories (and improbable relationships with Elizabeth Shue), this would be it.  Hard fought victories that reek of "1984," but hard fought nonetheless.  Like most guys age 25-40, I can't get enough of this movie.

But all Miyagi/Bananarama steeped nostalgia aside, what makes LaRoche's dish-ditty so great is its unique tone.  Obviously, music is chosen with a goal of creating crowd buzz.  Thus, there's a reason guys don't exit the dugout to "Blowin' in the Wind" or "Yesterday."  Not exactly the stuff rallies are made of.  But while most players select tunes traditionally geared towards a genuine, no holds barred, fist pumping reaction entirely free of even a trace of irony, LaRoche takes a path typically left untrodden.  Making the fans laugh.  Same enthusiasm, but everyone gets to enjoy a group giggle while legitimately bobbing their heads.  A "funny/rousing" goal might sound simple enough for anyone with a reasonably good sense of humor and a well stocked iPod.  Not even.  You gotta choose carefully, since few songs truly have what it takes. 

For example, you could pick "Eye of the Tiger," no doubt a "craptacular" gold standard.  But that Rocky III anthem is dicey, since it could easily be confused with a sincere effort to sound "determined."  Then you just look dumb.  "There's no easy way out"- this time "Rocky IV," when Rocky's driving around all torn up over the recently deceased  Apollo Creed- which is legitimately "horrible/awesome," but doesn't work because the message is fuzzy.  "There's no easy way out" is perhaps acknowledging that a strike out ain't coming, but to then hear "there's no short cut home" almost sounds like a batter saying, "I'll try, but I very well may not score."  Too vaguely defeatist.  What about "Hearts On Fire" (also "Rocky IV," while Rocky's training in the Russian mountains)?   That's just trying too hard.  See what I mean?  Many a hysterically inept song exists, but most don't cut the mustard.  But LaRoche went yard here.  Few songs so effortlessly combine "so bad, it's great" mid-80's songwriting prowess, instantly recognizable pop culture and a natural stadium feel.  It's perfect.  To paraphrase the Smuckers slogan, "With a song this crappy, it just has to sound good."  Hilarious, too.  Hell, even LaRoche is chuckling a bit as he steps to the plate. 

Which makes sense, since the choice to use the song basically stemmed from a desire to amuse himself.  "It was kind of a joke," explains LaRoche.   "When I was down in A Ball, somebody said I was the best and he was like... a-rou-nd.  We just started singing that and I was like, "Man!  I want that as my walk out song.  So ever since A Ball, it's been my walk out song."  To say the least, LaRoche's  musical taste has garnered a universal thumbs up.  "A lot of times, when I'd be going up there in the minors, the catcher would start laughing.  "Karate Kid!  I like it!"  The umpire would even say, "Man, is that The Karate Kid?"  The fans yesterday after the game were like, "Is that the Karate Kid soundtrack?"  I didn't think it would get that big a reaction.  I just thought it was funny song that I liked."

I asked LaRoche if he identifies with Daniel LaRusso's struggles against the Cobra Kai.  Perhaps a LaRoche/LaRusso connection, even?  He just shook his head.  Sure, he's a fan of the movie (and busted a "Get him a body bag!"), but "it's not even (about) the movie.  It's just the song and it's association with the movie that makes everybody laugh.  I try to keep me relaxed and give the crowd a good laugh."  But pressing reporter that I am, I got a little further inside LaRoche's head by tweaking my original query a bit. 

Well, are you more of a Daniel or Cobra Kai guy? 

"I gotta go Daniel."

Don't ever accuse this crackerjack of allowing "the truth" to remain unearthed.  Although honestly, as long as he doesn't pick "Kreese"  (who's just kinda nuts), there's really no wrong answer.

-AK